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  Updated: 9/26/06  3:30 p.m.

                                                                                        

3 Jokes for the High Holidays


A priest and a rabbi are discussing the pros and cons of
their various religions, and inevitably the discussion turns
to repentance. The rabbi explains Yom Kippur, the solemn Day
of Atonement, a day of fasting and penitence, while the
priest
tells him all about Lent, and its 40 days of self-denial and
absolution from sins.

After the discussion ends, the rabbi goes home to tell his
wife about the conversation, and they discuss the merits of
Lent versus Yom Kippur. She turns her head and laughs.

The rabbi says, "What's so funny, dear?"

Her response, "40 days of Lent - one day of Yom Kippur . . .
so, even when it comes to sin, the goyyem pay retail!"


A Jewish parent calls his son in New York. The father says to David, "I hate to tell you, but your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we are divorcing. That's it!! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out." The father hangs up, and David immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." The sister calls Florida and gets her father on the phone. She pleads to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING 'til David and I get there! We will be there Friday." The father says, "All right, all right already." When the father hangs up the phone he hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for the High Holidays!'' 


  Ben Cohen is a devoutly religious man who believes in the power of prayer. His house is caught in the rising waters of a devastating flood. A row boat comes by to rescue him; he refuses it because he waits for God to save him. As the waters rise Cohen climbs higher and higher up his house, refusing each successive boat that comes by. Finally he drowns and goes to heaven. He complains bitterly to the Lord that he was such a good Jew and yet the Lord had forsaken him "How can you say that?" the Lord retorts. "I sent four boats for you!"


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